I'm back to blogging .
Haven't use com for quite a number of days due to cny.
Everything was okay, Went to my primary school teacher house last night,
With a bunch of primary school friend ,
We can't stop laughing at our past :)
I went home around 5am this morning, i lost all my money last night gambling .
LOL.
i know its stupid , but, i still believe i will win back someday, wakaka.
Stayed at home today, play mj , watch tv.
Tomorrow imma meet my bros, this few days they got ask me out,
but i keep never come out :x
Anw, met sammi yesterday too with xiaoai (Y) .

-
I don't know if life is getting better or i'm just use to being treated this way.
Well, Nothing much i can say but , live with it.
I believe after rain, there will sure be rainbow.
No point looking back at things which is already a past to me,
Time to move on with my life .
Just like how everyone did it ,
Somehow, When you love someone and they don't love you,
The only thing you can do is make them regret someday for not taking you in their life .

Bye.

Hello .
Its me , back to blogging today.
I slept at 4am last night and was awaked at 8am this morning by my sister.
Well, i was posted to Republic poly , Business application.
Though i was hoping for hospitality in the past, blame myself for not working hard enough.
But, i'm satisfied because i wanted this course since september .
I can't go back to sleep this morning so i went to watch tv ,
after that i tried listening to music and thankgod, i'm finally back to sleep.
I woke up at 2pm filled with 4 text messages , silly-ly hoping for yours but,
none . :)
Theres nothing i can do , and i seriously hate it when i fake a smiley face everytime.
I was in the process of forgetting you but , it never work out.
Theres nothing left to say, i just have to be the one leaving .
I don't know why , am i really dumb or something ? :(
I tried to make you understand how i feel but you never cared ,
So thats it. I told you i missed you but, you ignored it.
Everything wasn't said but it was done :)
From the first day i know you, i knew i wasn't the type of girl you will like.
But, i hopelessly hoped that miracle would happen to me .
I demand too much, hoped too much, thinking i deserve you.
Maybe i really don't .
In the past , i admit i was never a good girlfriend to any of my ex.
Of course i know , no one is perfect but it takes someone special to look beyond
imperfections .
I was told ,you don't like talkative girls ,
So i tried to change for you. Maybe what i did wasnt enough or just maybe,
even if i really changed, you wouldn't like me even.
All along i'm the one with wishful thinkings .
I hate it when ppl calls me an emo, but, its not that im seeking for attention you see.
Its that , i have to where to share my feelings , i cant hide it.
I know if i keep it in my heart, it will explode someday .
I never blame you for not liking me , i didnt blame you for keeping quiet.
Cos all along , im the one being initative .
Maybe , in some way , i scared you away, maybe,
im too rushy to share my feelings ,
I regretted everything i did ,
Cause , maybe you came to look for friend but , i took love away.
Now , i wonder, if you really did text me later , tomorrow or later in the day,
Should i feel happy or ? Sigh .
I don't know why it hurts so much .
Everything just fucked up in 2011. I don't know why.
One sided love is really invisible .
I hate myself for always being the one who love too deep, fall to hard.
被爱是幸福的, 但我却没有这个福气 .
I tell myself, I'm not going to search for love anymore ,
because i seriously have no sense of direction, im tired of making u-turns.
I shall wait for you to find me .
I should be gentle with myself, i'm tired of crying, missing, waiting,hoping.
Cause after all , i get back is nothing .
Its nice to see my friends doing good in their love life.
Yes, its kind of sorrow to see myself stuck in such situation.
All i can say is, these guys never appreciated me . so be it.
They always tell me , 找一个爱你的人，比你还爱他的人。
I wish to, i'm always loving too much .
I'm exhausted .
休息是为了要走更长远的路 .
I knew this reason many years back but , i've never really stick to it.
Its really time to stop hoping ;
Time time time, all i need is time ,
If i can forget about v, i can forget about you too.
Im certain if im willing to , i would one day.
I'm not a dumb fool , im a human , i have feelings too.
Why must i let them all hurt me over and over again.
Time to wake up .

I never expect in my life ,
Its not necessary to have a boyfriend.
Cause' as long as i have my best friends being there for me,
They can give me the joy that i wouldn't get from anyone else.
They were great , although we don't see each others anytime we want .
But, deep down in heart, always remembered in heart .
I don't know how long its going to take me to get over him.
But , for what i can do now is to stop expecting anything from him .
Everything is done, its now gone , time to move on.
I won't cease loving myself anymore .
And i too , hope anyone who is stuck in my condition,
will too move on because , if he/she cares , you wouldn't be left, devastated.

Lastly , I missed you , and its been more than 36hours since i heard from you.
And i felt sorry for taking spaces in ur inbox .
I'm just never good enough for you to satisfy me ,
I've been trying, i think i really did change, i talked less , smile less , joke less and
cried more .___.''

Bye .

Hello.
Im here to blog, celebrated bra's birthday on the 21st.
Went to bugis and had a wonderful dinner at new york dessert cafe ,
Den we went to shesha at night . Reached woodlands den we slacked at titanic.
After that nicol and roger walked me n chibi cabi home :)
On the 22nd, we went to town , again.
The boys were shopping for their new year clothings.
At night, we went to 768 mac for supper and headed to roger's house.
I den cabbed home at 2am .
The next day, headed to bugis with xiaoai , bought a dress for new year.
We den headed to nex and i went home at 9pm.
24th,
went to nex but everything just fucked up.
I headed back woodlands at around 6.30,
I'm so piss with the train , met xinhui for dinner , somehow we tagged kahkin along
as he just knock off from work so we ate at kfc ,
did window shop at causeway den headed to 110 to slack as azy came .
We talk cock alot den headed home at 10.30pm.
Homed and played mahjiong just now .

I admit that i'm really tired.
Is it that i'm too rushy? I don't know, i wish i wasn't.
Like i said, i really don't have much time left ,april gonna start school, den how?
What about us?
I really have no idea. I supposed i did what i can , said what i feel .
But, if this is what its meant to be, i wont push you for an answer.
Sometime , i feel so helpless.
You guys were asking me , why am i so quiet and you guys are not use to me shutting my mouth. I really donno whats wrong with me,
isit that i'm really changing for him or isit that i'm too sad n tired to talk?
I want a job, i want to work , working can help me forget things that i shouldn't remember.
It seems to me that the harder I try the harder I fall.
Sometimes i ask myself, should i try not to reply his text,
but, i know that if i dont reply , it doesnt matter to him anyway,
and this will cause him not to message me and we'll stop there.
Hais. Life is a struggle. I hate it.
We never really talked but , i've fallen for you.
Our eyes never really met, but, yet im here missing you.
Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ?
Why am i always so foolish and naive, believing that there's fairytale in this world?
I wish i can wake up from my dreams .
What is meant to be, will be and for now i see it wasn't meant to be.
Too tired to hold on but too in love to let go .__.''

Iloveyouboy.

Hey,
Its been days since i blogged.
Maybe im coming in with a good news but, also a bad news.
I think i'm 98% over him , the one i use to chase after for a month.
Someone probably make me forget about him.
But, he's just like a shadow of V .
Sometimes i really wonder why,
Why cant i just get to meet a good guy , who will bother to msg me,
question me, takecare of me, and even love me.
I know im very talkative , i know im not pretty , i know im damn imperfect,
but, will someone just look beyond my imperfections and appreciate me for who i am?
Im really too initative, i shall stop.
Sigh.
But, now that i liked him , how to stop?
Sometimes , i can tell myself a millon times to get over it.
But, when i see him, everything i told myself starts fading away.
I don't like to see him spam cigg, i don like to see him tired, i don like to see him shy.
I don't like it!
I just wished i could be the one whom pamper him when he's all out after work,
being the one who will give him care n concern ,
The one whom he can share his problem with ,
the one who can make him smile.
I wish i were given a chance to do so but, i know there wont be any.
:)
Maybe, being like what we are now, is the least we can be.
I liked you (Y)

After a month being silly and cruel to myself,
Its really time to wake up .
Waiting for someone that will never come , is the most tiring job to do.
Waiting for someone who will never reply your text messages , is the most upset feeling to be felt.
Waiting for someone whom will never love you is the most heartbreaking thing .
I think , i've stepped one step away from yesterday.
I'm feeling devastated , sorrowful , hopeless .
The scared feeling came chasing behind me ,
So scared to be hurt , so scared to fall in love so fast ,
so scared that no one will be there to catch me .
Maybe i should let natural take course and put it aside for the moment.

你的快乐，不是我能给的。

我对你的期待被你一次次摔坏 已经碎成太多块 ):

I went to nex to see you , again.
Perhabs its my last time doing so.
Tomorrow is the release of 0'level result, Im gonna be in deep shit.
Den imma find a new job so , i wont have time to go see you anymore.
Yes , there will be misses, and theres always tears .
I think i shouldn't hope for you to reply my text anymore.
Since you're tired, busy or whatever it is.
I should just move on with my life and forget everything i ever did.
I just hope that one day you'll eventually miss me ,
for being the one that always annoys you .
Though we didnt speak but, i've heart-locked alot of things ,
I bet you did too and i'll never get to know.
I miss you ):

Like i said, im always here for you.
Give me a text if you ever need me, i'll be there (Y)

And, god bless me tomorrow please .

Haiiiiiiiii ,
Its currently 090111,
Exactly one month ago, i first started to text you.
At that time , I didn't know i would liked you,
I just wanted to know more about you but, the feelings den slowly came in.
Yesterday i got a dream, i dreamt of you .
I dreamt that we spoke to each other ,
thats why when i woke up this morning, was with excitement.
But, it was just a dream afterall.
I didnt plan to go to nex today, but i still did ,
and when i arrived, i saw you leaving. awww , sad
But, theres nothing i can do.
Maybe your silence is your answer.
I shouldn't continue to text you and hoping for your reply anymore.
But, i still will .
I don't know what to do for now.
I'm so stuck-ed.
But, 99% telling me, i should give up , let go and don't waste my youth.
1% of myself didn't wanto let it go . Its been a month.
Say long not long, say short not short.
You've been living in my heart for some time.
I didn't bear to let you go.
我不了解你在想什么，但我希望你能告诉我。
I'm still waiting to hear from you soon.
Seriously.



ฉันจะรอให้คุณจนกว่าคุณจะถามฉันเพื่อให้ได้ฉันรู้ว่าฉันได้รับการคาดหวังอย่างมากจนจากคุณและฉันสิ้นสุดที่ได้รับไม่มีอะไร แต่มันโอเค ฉันเพิ่ง wanto ลองของฉันที่ดีที่สุดสำหรับตอนนี้

Hey, im here . again.
Today , im sad..
I thought of you, i thought of the hope yesterday..
I can't sleep , i kept wanting to go nex just to see you.
And , i did but, i know i shouldn't anymore.
It doesn't matter what you said last night, everything is still the same.
I thought saying im over you means i can get over you.
But, im still here, stucked.
I know i don't matter to you, its true.
Now , i know. i see the truth.
The fact is , im all along the one who 自作多情.
But, have you wondered why?
Why i can be so thick skin and don't care about what others think about me,
just to persue a little you, in my life??
I really feel for you but , even tho you don't, i still do.
I even think very far, i wonder if one day we get together, how great will it be.
I still tell myself, if this is so, after my school, i will complete my homework,
and wait for you to knock off and than train back home with you.
Why am i so fucking silly, so fucking naive? ):
I tried to tell myself to be mature and act like i am one just not to make you feel
like i'm a xmm. but, have you ever understand it?
Shagggg.
I feel like crying but, i force myself not to.
I've been crying n dying for you but, you will never know it.
Tomorrow, perhaps will be the last day i go to nex just to see you.
And, i'll try to forget you after that.
Its gonna be hard, theres going to be pain , i know.
but, what else can i do?
If you ever told me how you feel, i'll be grateful but, you never will.

爱你，多过爱我自己。
为了你，我可以放弃一切，奋不顾身的去爱你，但你依然是无动于衷。
我又为何要自甘多弱呢？爱你并不简单，但我还是无法控制自己不去爱你。
i know theres a big gap between us.
I always tried to go closer but, you walked away.
Just becos i made th first move doesn't mean im not a shy person.
Sigh.
Im really hurt , the same thing i recieve ever since the first day i know you.
Dude, when will you actually starts to spare a thought for me?
ily ):

This is a little cracker i seen during ktv.
Its really wierd when i told myself to forget and it just pops out randomly.
After i stopped working, i had been going to nex.
I admit most of the time , i wanted to see you.
But, always didn't get to see you.
Remembering the first time i gets excited when i see you.
I kept looking into your shop to find you.
I keep whinning and wanting to know you more.
I pleased my friend to get your number.
I took courage to text you, even though it really hurts.
I always peep at you , i can't take my eyes off you.
Remembering i was told to work at plazasing ,
which means i can't see you for days, i cried,
I really did, silli-ly .
I missed you, you used to be my motivation to work.
You're the reason why i check my cellphone every day n night.
You're the first guy that makes me finally feel how its like
when someone don't reply my message and ,
I was always the one whom tries to find topic to make you reply.
I did everything i could just wanting you to be mine.
But, it never did success.
I remember the one fine day i was waiting for my friends at bishan after work.
And i saw you, i was soooo happy, i seriously did,
running with the train just to see you.
I know im silly but, i still did.
We took the train together that day,
but, you pretended i wasn't there, my eyes was in you.
My friends said , im silly, they said they can feel my heart brokenned.
When someone told me you're attached , i cried , 2 days.
I saw someone giving you a gift, it upsets me alot.
I know we're not really friends but, you've the ability to break me down.
I really don't know why, you're just someone special.
I always tell myself, not to peep anymore, but,
i still did , and each time i tell myself '' okok , last time okay, stop looking..''
But, it had never been the last time.
I use to have big water bottle and there's always ur name in it.
Its always wroted in mirror image, whenever theres paper n pen,
your name will start to appear everywhere.
I remember on the 18th, i know it was ur birthday on that day itself,
but i have to rush to catch a movie, i asked my colleague to get u a cake,
but, she asked me not to be silly.
It really hurts , i wished i can do many things for you to make you happy.
Loving someone who doesn't feel the same way, really hurts.
Im tired of pretending im happy but inside, its hurting.
I always hope you tell me how u feel.
but, you never did.
I texted you yesterday, you did not reply,
i tot you won't anymore so , i didnt hoped.
But, you replied it today, i was suprise and im happy.
This time round , you told me a different thing .
You told me days back, '' we can be friends '' ,
today you said '' we can be friends first lo'' ,
i don't know what you mean but, i always think positively.
Thats how silly i am.
But, i wont think anymore.
I'll let everything be in its own way.
If one day i starts to matter, you will tell me, right??
I knowww i should give up but, you gave me a lil hope today.
What should i do next?? ):

Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.
I know after i stopped working , i seem like a sicko.
I went for two movie yesterday.
Yes, it sound insane but, its actually a sane thing to do.
The tourist and A better tomorrow is nice.
My next up movie is Let me in , Who r u , A great great world, Homecoming.
HOOHOHOHOHOOO.

Life seriously have its ups and down.
We must learn to accept it though its really hard.
I enjoying life now, don't needa work, don't needa see peoples 脸色.
Isn't that great? Money can earn anything,
Childhood cannot earn back next time,
its now 2011. Who cares about study, who cares about education.
Got money = got life .
LOL.

Byeee (Y)